photo by Ali Hamad/APA
When the genocide began I started writing daily notes. The notes, many of them handwritten in various notebooks, were disconnected lines, images, stories I’d read or heard. Some of them evolved into poems, included in this collection; but it wasn’t until Day 167 that — having heard about a mother who was able to save one of her children but not the others, and a doctor who was saving the amputated limbs of wounded children, putting the limbs into boxes labeled with their names — I felt the urgency to document these tragedies in a whole poem every day, and that is what I will do until the genocide ends.
I intend to keep writing until the ceasefire is permanent — until Palestine is free.
Day 916 (2)
The Zionist entity heavily bombs Lebanon
after ceasefire is declared with Iran
It looks like Gaza, the child
says, seeing the photograph
of the rubble, the fallen buildings,
the plume of smoke rising into the sky.
It looks like Gaza, she says,
watching the video of toddlers
being pulled — dead? alive? —
from under the wreckage
of their home. But where,
she asks, are the parents?
Her voice barely audible
over the screams, the buzz
of drones in what she is watching.
This child, thousands of miles
from there: she has learned
that Gaza, now, has become
the measure. The standard
against which all ruins
will be compared? The name
we must give now
to cruelty, destruction? The image
of ravaged dreams?
Day 916
In the quiet classroom
the children were sitting
at their tables, listening
to their teacher,
when the soldiers burst in
and fired their guns. One
child was killed: she’d
been sitting next to her friend,
whose screams could be heard
outside the school. They
were in third grade.
They’d been learning
multiplication. Nine hundred
and fifteen (yesterday) times
nine months equals
how many days
of how many children
carried, then born, then
murdered? Nine hundred
and fifteen (yesterday) times
how many moments of fear?
How many parents dead?
How many tears? Screams?
Racing hearts? Now
(we’re reviewing
subtraction) the class will have one
less child. Now there will be
less laughter. One less voice
when the teacher, some day
how many weeks from now,
tries to get them to sing.
Day 915
In the vast room filled with children
the sounds of crying
drown out all the other sounds.
A man is announcing names
using a microphone. The names
of these children, who have just
graduated: some
from high school, some
from elementary school.
One after another.
All the children are orphans.
It’s a graduation
(against all odds) for children
who’ve lost their parents
to the genocide.
Some have lost one;
many have lost both. They
are crying with happiness
and sadness. They are feeling
how wrong it is
not to have their parents here,
who would have been
radiant with pride,
who would have taken them
in their arms when the ceremony
was over. Who would have been waiting
with flowers, balloons. Whose arms
will these children
be received by now? Who
will be there tonight
and every night after
to sit with them
before sleep, to remember
this hour?
Day 914
for S.M.R.
In the tent, her father is having a seizure.
His medication stopped being available
two and a half years ago,
but his epilepsy
has continued. The girl does
what she always does:
holds his head, slips her fingers
into his mouth so he won’t
swallow his tongue. Waits
til he stops shaking, flailing;
then puts a rolled-up blanket
under his neck, whispers to him
to sleep. She
returns to her books. She
has just received
her graduation certificate
in English literature
and teaching. Reading
is what she has always done
to calm herself, to transport herself
beyond bombs, beyond gunfire.
She reads. One day, she tells
herself, looking across the tent
at her father, quiet now,
she will find a way to use this.
She will have her own students.
There will be schools again,
calm again. Her father
will have medication again.
Day 913
from a photograph in the Palestine Chronicle
Saturday morning. Four friends
gather in the square
near where they live.
Incredibly, the square
is still there, their
buildings there. Gaza City.
They meet, exchange news
from their week: a cousin
who died of something
that could have been cured.
A nephew martyred. An old teacher
whose leg
had to be amputated.
Four friends, friends
since childhood. Friends
who met at that square
every week, sometimes
bringing their very young
children, sometimes
bringing a ball they could kick
the way they used to before
the genocide. Then
the airstrike: They hear
planes approaching;
they run. Too late. The photograph
shows one of them
being carried
into an ambulance
on a stretcher. They’ll
declare him dead
at the hospital. His friends
will follow. Four
gone. A sunny
morning. A morning
that began like any other.
Day 912
Warships hover in the sea
where no fishers can fish.
Where children who used to leap
over waves can only stand
on the beach, stare out
at a horizon
the other side of which
is free. They talk
to each other; the sound
of the waves accompanies
their words. (Their eyes,
their voices, still
can leap.) There, beyond
where the sea meets the sky,
no one is starving. No one
has lost their mother and father.
Everyone goes to school.
All the children have arms and legs.
There are no warships
that fire at tents whose flimsy panels
sway, collapse. There are
no deaths from gunfire, explosions,
where wind carries only the smell
of salt and jasmine, opening roses.
Day 911
Her infant a living corpse.
Heart beating. Still inhaling,
exhaling. But being consumed.
The mother had, moments
earlier, fallen asleep
when she woke
to screams: a large rat
gnawing her infant’s
face, teeth marks
sunken into his cheek,
blood pooling everywhere
in the tent. Fresh meat
for rodents to feed on. Not even
waiting for death to wage
the initial slaughter. Now,
the mother is thinking, it’s
not just what falls from the sky
that we have to fear, but rodents
digging from under wet ground,
ground saturated with sewage. Rot.
A new enemy named.
Day 910
The look on this small child’s face
says everything. Her mother,
grandmother, grandfather,
are waiting for her
when the bus arrives
carrying the children still alive
who were taken from the NICU
when the hospital shut down.
When the power was cut
by the enemy, disabling
the incubators they needed
to survive. Evacuated
to Egypt, mothers not allowed
to accompany them. Families
anguished, bereft, at home.
Not knowing if they would live.
Not knowing if they’d seen their babies
for the final time. This little girl
with brown curly hair
and glasses is handed
to her mother. Her mother
takes her in her arms, flanked
by her parents. The grandfather,
behind the child being held,
adjusts her little glasses,
which have slipped
down her nose: a gesture
of tenderness, of care, of everything
he has missed. The adults
are smiling with joy. The child,
who has never seen her mother
since the earliest days of her life,
stares out at the crowd
of people. All
she has been through — hunger,
fear, loss, confusion — now
more confusion — is written there
in her expression. Where am I?
Who are these people? Her tiny
hands hold the tension
she cannot speak.
Day 909
She had a new dress
she was going to wear
when school began.
It was just school in a tent,
school with whatever children
happened to be around,
school taught by someone’s
mother, someone’s
older sister. Not real school,
her brother taunted her.
But she’d learn to read.
She’d learn about other
places, about creatures
who live in the sea
and creature who live
in the jungle. She wore the dress
the whole day she got it,
handed down from a girl
in another tent. She showed
her cousins how it looked,
showed her brother, her uncle.
She wore it under the thin
blanket that covered her
in the tent, wore it
though she knew
it would be wrinkled.
She did not know
it would be soaked in blood,
unrecognizable. Had no
way of knowing
(after the airstrike)
that no one at school
would ever see it.
Day 908
From deep under the earth
a mother is calling
to her children.
Don’t come to me! she
is crying, her voice
muffled by layers of dead
above her, beneath her.
By ravaged soil, by
the roots of everything
trying to grow. Are you
warm enough? Are you
eating enough? she’s
calling. Are you taking care
of your brothers? Your
grandfather? she asks
the older ones. Stay
where you are, or leave
if you need to leave! Remember
to look vigilantly
around you, to watch
for snipers. To watch
the sky. To watch
for rips in the tent, for
insects in the food, for
rashes, swellings, fevers.
Remember I’m with you
even when I’m not.