photo by Ali Hamad/APA
When the genocide began I started writing daily notes. The notes, many of them handwritten in various notebooks, were disconnected lines, images, stories I’d read or heard. Some of them evolved into poems, included in this collection; but it wasn’t until Day 167 that — having heard about a mother who was able to save one of her children but not the others, and a doctor who was saving the amputated limbs of wounded children, putting the limbs into boxes labeled with their names — I felt the urgency to document these tragedies in a whole poem every day, and that is what I will do until the genocide ends.
I intend to keep writing until the ceasefire is permanent — until Palestine is free.
Day 910
The look on this small child’s face
says everything. Her mother,
grandmother, grandfather,
are waiting for her
when the bus arrives
carrying the children still alive
who were taken from the NICU
when the hospital shut down.
When the power was cut
by the enemy, disabling
the incubators they needed
to survive. Evacuated
to Egypt, mothers not allowed
to accompany them. Families
anguished, bereft, at home.
Not knowing if they would live.
Not knowing if they’d seen their babies
for the final time. This little girl
with brown curly hair
and glasses is handed
to her mother. Her mother
takes her in her arms, flanked
by her parents. The grandfather,
behind the child being held,
adjusts her little glasses,
which have slipped
down her nose: a gesture
of tenderness, of care, of everything
he has missed. The adults
are smiling with joy. The child,
who has never seen her mother
since the earliest days of her life,
stares out at the crowd
of people. All
she has been through — hunger,
fear, loss, confusion — now
more confusion — is written there
in her expression. Where am I?
Who are these people? Her tiny
hands hold the tension
she cannot speak.
Day 909
She had a new dress
she was going to wear
when school began.
It was just school in a tent,
school with whatever children
happened to be around,
school taught by someone’s
mother, someone’s
older sister. Not real school,
her brother taunted her.
But she’d learn to read.
She’d learn about other
places, about creatures
who live in the sea
and creature who live
in the jungle. She wore the dress
the whole day she got it,
handed down from a girl
in another tent. She showed
her cousins how it looked,
showed her brother, her uncle.
She wore it under the thin
blanket that covered her
in the tent, wore it
though she knew
it would be wrinkled.
She did not know
it would be soaked in blood,
unrecognizable. Had no
way of knowing
(after the airstrike)
that no one at school
would ever see it.
Day 908
From deep under the earth
a mother is calling
to her children.
Don’t come to me! she
is crying, her voice
muffled by layers of dead
above her, beneath her.
By ravaged soil, by
the roots of everything
trying to grow. Are you
warm enough? Are you
eating enough? she’s
calling. Are you taking care
of your brothers? Your
grandfather? she asks
the older ones. Stay
where you are, or leave
if you need to leave! Remember
to look vigilantly
around you, to watch
for snipers. To watch
the sky. To watch
for rips in the tent, for
insects in the food, for
rashes, swellings, fevers.
Remember I’m with you
even when I’m not.
Day 907
What he wants is a bicycle.
His father spends nights
thinking how he’ll collect
wheels, gears, broken
pieces of metal, rubber strips, portions
of chains, to make his son a bicycle.
He’d been going to buy one
before everything happened.
The boy had learned
on his cousin’s bike; when
his cousin was killed, the bike
went with him. Metal and blood
in the dirt, pieces of flesh
caught in the spokes, no way
of telling which part of his cousin
they’d come from. What the boy wants
is a bike to ride speeding
on streets that are gone, over fields
that have been destroyed, soil
ploughed by bombings. As though
the bicycle, riding over them, could
restore them. As though its tires
could stream some magical glue
that binds together grasses, shops,
sidewalks. Lives. Memories.
Day 906
She succumbed days later,
the elderly woman
shot when soldiers opened fire.
Succumbed. Gave in
at last to her wounds. Gave in
to the death that was tugging,
tugging at the hem of her dress
like a hungry animal
begging for food. She
had lived eighty years,
even more. Had worked,
cooked, given birth.
She had danced and celebrated,
loved and grieved. She
should have had time
to gather her fragmented thoughts,
to savor the jasmine
beginning to bloom
along broken roads. To look up
at the consistent stars, to say goodbye
to sweetness and sorrow,
take the measure of each.
Calculate which had the greater part.
Day 905
Children are singing
in a large tent. They’re
singing a song about birds:
fly fly fly little birds
up high in the sky.
One girl, maybe
twelve years old,
sings solo on the verses:
her pure clear voice
rings out over the heads
of the others, past
the nylon panels
of the tent, into the air
outside saturated
with death and sewage.
Her voice is like
the birds she sings
about. It soars
over all that’s broken,
ruined, lost. Goes out
beyond the wreckage
of lives. Beyond grief.
Beyond desperation.
The chorus of others
echoes it, supports it.
Fly fly fly. May she —
may all of them —
stay alive. May they,
for this moment,
leave anything behind
that might hold them down.
Day 904
If your tent collapses
these young people
will put it back up,
tape rips in the panels,
tie it to other tents. If
the mud around your tent
is so deep you slip on it
when the rain lets up
and you dare go out,
they’ll go down to the beach,
bring back pails of sand
to absorb the water.
If you need water to drink,
to cook with, to bathe
your infant with, they’ll
get it from the water truck.
They’re kids, they
should be in school.
They should be playing soccer
in the afternoons. They
should be dancing, laughing.
Many of them have lost
parents, are living
in tents with other kids’
parents. Call out their names.
What else
can they do now but help?
What else, under a sky
still crossed with drones,
under the eyes of snipers,
in the spring just beginning
to burst into blossom,
green shoots coming up
unfathomably,
through the sludge of winter,
feces, rotting flesh.
Day 903
What can I tell you, child,
about your father? He was tall.
Strong. Could lift heavy boards
and pipes when he built our house.
His hands were large. When
he held you or your brothers,
you felt safe. Enclosed in love.
What can I say about how
he died? He was doing nothing.
He was sitting on a pile of broken
stones, looking up at the sky.
The bullet fired at him
struck him in the neck. He died
without knowing what happened.
He died without being able
to say goodbye to any of us.
He would have taken us
in his sturdy arms, held us
each for a long time. You can
imagine that now: a tall man
you wouldn’t recognize, since
you were just months old
when he was martyred.
Do you feel at moments
that something protects you?
Something helps you stand up
when you fall? Imagine
large hands clasped
around your shoulders,
your waist. Warm. Comforting.
Day 902
A man and his child
are walking along a road.
They’re going to buy sweets.
The child is small, 21 months.
Walking so well! So happy! Out
with his father. Then
the soldiers come. Begin
interrogating the man.
The child stands. Watches.
The father: anxious, confused,
he has no answers for them.
One of the soldiers
grabs the child. Picks him up.
Snuffs out his cigarette
on the child’s leg. Now
will you answer us? he shouts.
Burns the child’s leg
again, tells the father
that he will keep hurting the child
util the man gives him
what he is asking for. The father
has no information for the soldier.
Horrified. Paralyzed,
feeling his child’s pain.
Another soldier drives a sharp
instrument into the child’s
other leg. Punctures it deeply,
again, again. Torture and fear
contend in the child’s
small body, on the dusty road
among piles of rubble. The vile
inventory of cruelty
silences the man’s words,
the child’s cries.
Day 901
All this time
when you’ve looked
at the sky, you’ve seen
not birds or clouds, not
sunlight or approaching rain,
but threat: drones. Planes
with their lethal cargo.
When you’ve looked
at the ground, you’ve seen
not grass pushing up
nor rich, moist soil,
but a crypt. A graveyard.
An open maw
swallowing many
you’ve loved.
All this time
when you’ve walked
through the streets
you’ve seen them
as though they were dreams
of what they were —
lively, colorful —
now shrouded in dust,
collapsed. Their sounds
muffled, fragrances
gone into one sole stench
of rot. And your children —
so thin, subdued — their faces
marked with the death
they live with, the death
they dread at every turn,
so that, even alive,
they are ghosts
of themselves. Ghost-pale,
ghost-numb, ghost-silent.